Man. Dog. Cone.

Poop!

Yesterday, as I was driving, I happily slowed down for a procession of about six horses, walking single file in an orderly line, as far to the side of the road as possible. I have never seen a line of cyclists do this. I've written here and here about my war with cyclists. But up until now, a shot has never been fired. That might be changing.

The puppy is generating a tremendous amount of poop. We don't wrap it up in store bought bags here in Topanga. We return it to the earth, like our antiquated septic systems. My way of disposing of it involves flinging it over the fence, towards Old Topanga Canyon Road. It's not a gentle slope, about a fifty foot drop, there's little margin for error. So far I have succeeded in hitting the sweet spot between the fence and the road, poop clinging precariously to cliff, but it's just a matter of time before I fling one too far. Hundreds of cyclists ride by each week. If anything ever happens, I'm going on record right now that it was an accident.

Not Picking Up Your Dog's Poop

It's 2008, right? I mean, I know that's not what it is according to certain other calendars (5768 according to the Jewish calendar) but generally we would all agree that we are in the 21st century. So why is it in this modern time that some of my neighbors haven't gotten the memo that leaving your dog's business on another person's lawn is not just an infraction of city municipal codes, it's just plain rude?

Amanda and I have tried to understand what type of person does this, and it still hasn't quite come into focus yet. I wouldn't put them in the same category as serial killers, yet they do -on some level- display similar sociopathic tendencies. The complete lack of regard for their fellow man and the absence of empathy or any notion of responsibility or guilt would seem to indicate that these people are fucked up. I mean, when you really think about it, how different is it from the offending neighbor himself just coming up and leaving a human "gift" on your lawn?

So after months of waking up and taking our own dog out to do his morning ritual only to find another dog's presents gracing our lawn, I finally decided to put up a sign. An admittedly cliched act, BUT I did go out of my way to be positive and encouraging rather than blowing a gasket. In fact, I even included Eco-friendly poop bags on the sign and encouraged passersby to use one if they needed to. Guess what was awaiting me the next morning only five feet from the sign? Yep. Another pile of crap. I'm equal parts pissed off and intrigued by whoever is doing this, and I've considered pointing a hidden video camera out my window at night to catch them in the act. But then what would I do? Confront them like the "Dateline: To Catch A Predator" host does? Greeting them with a DVD of their offense in my hand and a stern lecture? Hardly.

Any suggestions?