Who Are You, Third Guy on the Pineapple Express Poster?

You're not Seth Rogen.

You're not James Franco.

You're not Jason Statham, I know that.

So, who are you?

Oh, it's a rhetorical question. I could go to the official website and learn your identity. I could read the credits on the poster and see three additional names and figure it out by process of elimination, knowing that you're not Gary Cole or Rosie Perez.

But that's not the point.

I have walked past the poster many times.

I have driven by similarly designed billboards.

Text: ROGEN, FRANCO
Image: Three guys
Reaction: Annoyance

Will it keep me from seeing the movie? No, it won't. I've seen all of the recent Apatow-related efforts. Even caught Drillbit Taylor on a recent flight. (You really phoned in that script, Rogen.)

But don't push me, fellas.

This is like the converse to the annoyance I felt 20 years ago, when Young Guns came out.

Emilio Estevez: check. Kiefer Sutherland: check. Lou Diamond Phillips: check. Charlie Sheen: check.

Casey Siemaszko?

Who the %^&#& was Casey Siemaszko? And why was he getting equal billing with Hollywood's genuine young guns? (I know, I know, I'm giving Dermot Mulroney a free pass on this one; I didn't know him in 1988 either. But let's face it, things have worked out a little better for Mulroney, and at least he didn't have an absurd above-the-title name. Which was read aloud on the commercials—shih-MOSH-ko—much to my irritation.)

Wait: Maybe he is the third guy in Pineapple Express....

More New York Discoveries

My brother Paul has an unusual coffee mug in his house. He said our mother gave it to him, one of the many "drug company" gifts that have been bestowed upon us over the years. But this one was something I've never seen before:





So we have here a three-handled coffee mug. Aranesp, by the way, is a drug for chronic renal failure. Does this have anything to do with the mug shape?

Portmanteau, Part Deux

We love our portmanteau words here at Salt in Wound. But with great power comes great responsibility. So I believe we must also serve as Portmanteau Police, seeking out infractions of the form.

Case in point: A radio commercial for the Subaru Forester that I'm guessing is not airing in the greater Topanga area. The voice talent mentions that the vehicle is "perfect for snow and mud, or the very common smud."

Oh, sure, "smud" is fun to say, and calls to mind "smog" (smoke + fog), which I think they do have in the greater Topanga area. But it places entirely too much emphasis on the mud half of the equation. No, the word that should've been used in this instance is snud.

And I'm sure William Safire agrees with me.

I Am Allowed to Say "Super Bowl"

But advertisers aren't. Unless they are somehow officially connected to the Super Bowl. Hence, this is just about my favorite week to pay attention to commercials and print ads. I just love all the euphemisms for Super Bowl. "The Big Game" is the most common. ("Stock up on soda and snacks for the Big Game!") "Your football party" is another. How many can you count between now and kickoff?