Eight Reasons You Haven't Spotted Me On the Citizen's Band
1. The indispensability of C.B. radio is greatly overblown. Off the top of my head, I know that my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents don't have handles, and neither does anyone at school (the kid who calls himself the Purple Turtle is such a liar). To reach any of these people, I just have to dial the phone, as long I keep the calls to just a couple of minutes, unless it's a weekend. None of these people seem to be unduly suffering as a result.
2. My social networks fit into fairly distinct compartments. There are close family, not-so-close family, soccer friends, choir friends, beer can collecting friends, neighbors. Replacing them with a anonymous group of truck drivers would be completely incoherent. (If there are ways to use different frequencies so that what you say is audible to some kinds of friends and not others, then this may not be an issue. But I have not heard any reference to this feature).
3. The thought of being contacted by someone who did time for coke possession in the 1960s holds no appeal whatsoever.
4. 95% of the conversations are just about traffic tickets.
5. People are saying that pretty soon everyone will be a C.B.er, and that it is the greatest technological innovation of our time. But with so little bandwidth, how can this be?
6. A friend of my parents was telling me about her C.B. radio experience - how she connected with an old college friend who broadcasts frequent and detailed updates of, among other things, her 20, but how it would be rude to 10-7 her.
7. It may seem otherwise right now, but Breaker! Breaker!, Convoy, and Citizen's Band will never be regarded as cinematic classics.
8. My school day entails fair amounts of talking, laughing, shouting, and bickering. When I get home, I seek out - even crave - activities that do not involve the use of my vocal cords.
2. My social networks fit into fairly distinct compartments. There are close family, not-so-close family, soccer friends, choir friends, beer can collecting friends, neighbors. Replacing them with a anonymous group of truck drivers would be completely incoherent. (If there are ways to use different frequencies so that what you say is audible to some kinds of friends and not others, then this may not be an issue. But I have not heard any reference to this feature).
3. The thought of being contacted by someone who did time for coke possession in the 1960s holds no appeal whatsoever.
4. 95% of the conversations are just about traffic tickets.
5. People are saying that pretty soon everyone will be a C.B.er, and that it is the greatest technological innovation of our time. But with so little bandwidth, how can this be?
6. A friend of my parents was telling me about her C.B. radio experience - how she connected with an old college friend who broadcasts frequent and detailed updates of, among other things, her 20, but how it would be rude to 10-7 her.
7. It may seem otherwise right now, but Breaker! Breaker!, Convoy, and Citizen's Band will never be regarded as cinematic classics.
8. My school day entails fair amounts of talking, laughing, shouting, and bickering. When I get home, I seek out - even crave - activities that do not involve the use of my vocal cords.
Labels: quixoticism, the 1970s
posted by frank b. at
4:18 PM
7 Comments:
I just shared this on Facebook. I'm like Celery for the facebookless.
In the year and a half of my Facebook life nothing has been accomplished other than about eight email friend requests. The resurrection, or birth, is coming soon to a blog near you. FWIW, Eight is Enough is a classic in my memoir.
Wow, and he serves the ball right back at Jack!!! Good one!!! I may have to declare this set a draw. (You can not be serious, judge! Yes I am)
Nice! Frank would've written two more, but Smokey was hot on his trail.
And he had a little convoy goin'.
3.b.
The thought of being contacted by someone who smokes a lot of pot in the 2000s holds no appeal whatsoever (aside from the 1 postcard a year I get from "wild bill" in Seattle, and in person it's fine, to a point). I wouldn't be surprised if Smokey and the Bear showed up some day, or some film student's 3 minute short of a prequel to it. On the IFC channel that is- somehow it slipped into our basic cable package. IFC has started showing past TV shows, recently a lot of Arrested Development and Monty Python episodes. Since you're such a funny guy Jack ;) can you expound on how whichever of these shows has better comedy writing than the other?
The Arrested Development episodes Top Banana, Visiting Ours, Marta Complex, Missing Kitty, Whistler's Mother, and Good Grief! offer you the finest examples of comedy writing anywhere on the planet. But the overall comedic influence of Monty Python is untouchable. Their absurdist mixture of highbrow and lowbrow made it watchable by little kids and college students, and by Americans who missed many of the Brit references. We still found it hilarious. The different personalities at play among the writer/performers made for an exciting blend of material. I'm watching the recent Python documentary that aired on IFC--I'm learning a lot and laughing all over again.
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