their least popular stamp
In Topanga, a typical trip to the post office consists of waiting in line, listening to this sort of exchange:
Customer: How much to send this package to Portland?
Person behind counter: When do you need it to get there?
(several minutes later, they have agreed on a class of postage that balances the need for the package to get there with the consideration of cost)
Person behind counter: Do you need any stamps?
Customer: I probably should.
Person behind counter: Would you like to see the book?
Customer: Of course!
(they laugh together)
(later, the customer has settled on something)
Person behind counter: How will you be paying?
(the customer takes out an atm card; the postal clerk seems impressed)
Person behind counter: Would you like to get cash back?
Notice how the postal clerk drives the exchange, not merely catering to the customer's whims, but even suggesting new ones. But this morning, when I went in to buy stamps, something new happened.
Me: I need stamps.
Person behind counter: Would you like to see the book?
Me: No, just give me your least popular stamp.
Person behind counter: Our least popular?
Me: Whatever you need to get rid of.
The postal clerk's actions were swift and decisive, like a vegetarian finally tearing into meat after all these years. She pulled open a drawer, reached in and pulled out a sheet from a plentiful supply. Then she said the two words every American dreads to hear. Here's what the post office says about its least popular stamp:
Calling attention to the essential obligation, shared by all eligible U.S. citizens, the USPS releases a commemorative stamp featuring 12 diverse jury members.
Labels: pet peeves, stamps, Topanga
posted by John Levenstein at
12:07 PM
10 Comments:
That's hilarious, that jury duty is the least popular stamp. Totally predictable, ultimately, but still hilarious.
As far as the interactions with the postal clerks go, I have similar interactions whenever I go to buy wine, which is only when I'm going to a party and don't know what else to bring. The interactions are always the same:
Me: I'd like to buy some wine. I don't know anything about wine, so whatever you suggest will be fine.
Wine Guy: Red or White?
Me: Really, I don't know anything about wine. I just want to bring wine to a party. Anything is fine.
Wine Guy: Well, red is usually served with x while white is usually served with y.
Me: It's for a party. I don't know what they'll be serving.
Wine Guy: Well, then maybe a red. What about a cabernet? (or somesuch).
It goes on like that for awhile with me repeating over and over again I don't know anything about wine, whatever you suggest will be fine. Eventually they get it and just pick something, but they are invariably not at all happy about it.
Hilarious! Loved it. You guys need some gruff east-coast post-office action.
Person behind counter: NEXT!
Me (holding package): I need to...
Person behind counter secures her side of the heavy-duty clear-plastic chamber. I place the almost-certainly-containing-a-mix-CD package in the chamber, and close the door on my side, as if we were handling plutonium.
Person behind counter: One sixty-seven.
Me (meekly): Sorry, I only have a 20.
Person behind counter rolls eyes. Sound of gunfire in back room.
John left out a lot on the excruciating system at the post office.
The greetings, the "where's Sarah", "She's off today," the comments about changed hairstyles.
The fucking money orders.
The people filling out addresses on letters and packages; the people being handed tape, and then lovingly taping their packages.
The people opening things from the PO boxes and squealing.
The people arguing about the stopped mail system, about how to send something UPS or FED EX (um, not here). The people complaining about the volume of junk mail they get.
"They paid for a service, and it's your responsibility to receive that mail," Sarah warns them. (Is it? I didn't ask to be on Lowe's list. I've never been in a Lowe's in my life!)
The people cutting in line, just to 'ask something,' which invariably leads to the clerk dropping everything to show the customer how to tape the box and label it, something she should have waited in line for in the first place, behind me.
And why am I there? Because I have a slip. Because the post office won't deliver a box to my house.
"We had complaints recently, so we stopped," the clerk says helpfully.
"Well here's a complaint from the other side. Deliver my mail!" But before we even get that far, I hear, "Would you like to see the book?"
And there it is, that freaking book, with the person in front of me casually paging through the pages of stamps.
"Cash back?"
"No, wait," I hear. "I'm going to write a check."
In case I wasn't clear, all of those people have been in line in front of me.
to: bernie
from: john
re: why i didn't include everything in my post
sometimes i make choices
I can't stand it when they ask, "do you need any stamps today?"
If I needed stamps, don't you think I would ask for them? Afterall, I'm at the post office!
the fact we have a post office box complicates things. i have to go there every other day, and there's usually some sort of wrinkle. the worst part is when i don't have work for the day laborers who congregate there, about half of whom i know. it's like not having room to hire a friend for a show you're running. except the mexicans aren't as big babies about it.
That was laugh-out-loud hilarious. Thank you.
Much better than my trip to the Post Office this morning, which went kind of like this:
Him: Are there any liquids in this?
Me: No.
Him: Okay, that'll be $4.10. Credit or debit?
Me: Debit. (I hand him the card. He swipes it, then stares at it.)
Me: Could you stop looking at my card?
Him: What?
Me: Stop looking at my card. It's like you're trying to memorize it.
He looks at another postal worker and laughs, then looks right back down at my card.
I call him an asshole and leave.
Alright, I was a little paranoid. But you could just tell he was a total douche bag. And I have a feeling my nieces are never going to see the Webkinz figurines I bought them for Valentine's Day. And my story was not really interesting at all.
Carli, each transaction I have involves a staredown of many, many minutes. They want to offer me the book. they just keep want to offering me the book. I keep declining.
"The Book" must be a west coast thing. When I need stamps they usually just pull a fistful of stamps from a drawer and tell me to pick one.
I think I prefer the east coast PO. Surly = faster transactions.
Post a Comment
<< Home